Add two rabbits, stir. Garnish with basil. (ch. 1)
As so many people who have had the pleasure of sharing their home with a rabbit will tell you, it’s almost impossible to just have one.
And not because of the stereotype that rabbits breed like crazy (pet rabbits should always be fixed!), and not just because one rabbit by himself looks kinda bored, and not just because humans love projecting their own loneliness onto their furry friends. You see, rabbits have this strange addictive property. I call it lagophetamine. (I made that up just now.) Once you realize you’ve fallen for a rabbit, it’s already too late. His big, pinkish blue eyes have cast their spell on you, and you’re doomed to have more rabbits - and more - probably until the day you die. Luckily it’s an extremely pleasant addiction with only positive side effects.
But I have to admit - wait, let me do this right -
Hi. I’m Thea. I’m an addict. A lagophetamine addict.
I started with just one rabbit - like we all do, I guess - but then, I couldn’t help myself. One wasn’t enough. I told myself he’s lonely, he’s bored, he needs company - but the truth is, I needed a second rabbit.
I went looking for one. Not very hard, I just put up a posting on Craigslist. I figured one would find me. I said I had a bunny who needed a friend, and if someone had a rabbit they couldn’t take care of, I would take her in and make sure she had a good home. I also went to the websites of the local shelters, and emailed them about fostering. Ideally, I would have gone to SaveABunny, brought my rabbit, Ellis, with me, and done the rabbit speed dating that SaveABunny offers, which is an awesome service. But SaveABunny was 1200 miles away and Ellis hates cars. Sorry, SaveABunny. I feel bad, but… I got to save a bunny out here instead.
After a couple of weeks, I got a response. Not from the animal shelters, unfortunately, (not sure what their deal is), but from Craigslist. A 12-year-old had randomly brought home a rabbit from school one day, and his mom realized there was no way they could keep her. She emailed me this photo:
I couldn’t resist. That little scared bunny - she could end up with some unknowing family, locked in a hutch her whole life, or worse - Albuquerque has a lot of snake owners. (Don’t get me wrong, I love snakes - but I love bunnies more.)
We arranged a meeting in a pre-disclosed location. I was early and waited for several minutes, trying to look like inconspicuous. Then I heard a voice - “Are you Thea?”
It was her - she was carrying a nondescript brown box. That had to be the goods.
Of course she also had three kids with her and we were in front of Whole Foods in broad daylight… but appearances aside, the cold hard truth is that I was getting a fix. A lagophetamine fix.
“Show me the bunny,” I said. (Just kidding, I didn’t actually say that. But I wish I had.)
She opened the box, and inside was the 64 oz. of pure brown and white love from the picture. I was sold. Not that I paid for her - you see, the first dose is always complimentary, that’s how they get you hooked. Or so I hear.
The kid had already named her Linda. It means “pretty.” I couldn’t think of any name that would possibly suit her better.
I took my box of lagophetamine and went home. It was going to be an exciting weekend.
To be continued…